I have a big heart.

I am worried for a fellow photographer. The photographer shall remain nameless, but needless to say their health is not so good.

For the past year, they have been having muscle issues in their back. Part of me wants to not see them suffer, or lose any chance of having their dream achieved.

So because I can't do anything, it is a waiting game. Part of me hopes that they don't have to give up on a dream because of muscle issues. My friend can't sit, or stand for long periods of time and part of me worries so much that it is going to get worse.

Being that said, we had a discussion about a back up plan in case they can't be a photographer and become permanently disabled. The discussion lead to how good of a retoucher the person is in photoshop, and that it could be done as a career.

I really don't like seeing this person in pain or hurt, because whenever I have needed them; they have been there. And now, they want me there more so.

Kids, babies and families.. OH MY!!!

as of Christmas Vacation, I am going to be able to take out some strobes for the holidays. I get to experiment on my branding and various other things for shoots. I am so excited.. because I have changed my focus on my kind of photography I will be producing. Family, events and weddings. Mostly kids and families. Ok.. I will admit it.. I rather be a big kid, in a neverland and make believe, and playing games. I rather play dress up and have tea parties, and show innocence and laughter. I love the mom's and dad's but, your kids are what are the best people to photograph.

To me, it is not just work; it is play. and when kids laugh, cry or smile, their reactions are genuine.

Perfume, mermaids and little fish and going in a new direction

As you can see, I have been playing with photoshop again and photography. I wanted to create the image of a mermaid under water. I think I did a very good job for something that looks like an editorial with the photographic illustration flare. I have done more editing since then. But, I have come to this conclusion that I want to get in the field of family photography instead. It has been such an interesting journey figuring things out. I mean, how often do you get to be around awesome kids? 

Lets face it, I am a big kid myself. I want to work with people whom make me feel good to work with them. Face it, kids are genuine and give the best reactions. they are the best people to work with.

There are no bad babies in this world, only silly adults whom try to change them.

These two are cheeky and fun to work with. Needless to say, I want to give this kind of genuine portrait to every family going. By the way, these two monkeys are my sons James and Jason. I was using them as my minions to help figure out what I wanted to do with my life. 

I might as well post the work I did for my family of my sons. Why? Because if I can put this kind of attention into working with children, I might as well use it for other people's. Makes total sense. Plus, with kids you can talk star wars and cartoons. Create a laugh with a fart sound or make raspberries.

No barriers, no expectations of being"adult", just pure creative photography.

shaming of the body

For at least twenty eight years I was under the impression with many ways of being brain washed, and told that I would never have a family, get married or even get the title of being beautiful. Boy was I ever wrong. I have been labelled, shot down and look upon different than what you would think because of the fact I have one thing that came with this brain washing bs.

I was always made to believe that I was never beautiful because of being fat. That I would never get a lover or a man would never date me because I was fat. I am not that same standard anymore. IN face value, i am totally different and learned from the body shaming surfacing that has appeared, that it is a vicious cycle that both men and women place upon our peers, offspring and even ourselves.

Some mad concept that I was made to believe was that no man wants a fat wife. that if i lost a few more pounds i would be made more pretty than I was. That no man would be able to be sexually attracted or want to date a woman with extra weight. Then i grew up. I started exploring newer levels of thinking, things and talking with other persons. I have learned that even our peers nowadays, even though they somehow should have zero impact on our choices, it is our desire to fit in that might complicate them even more so.

After a conversation with a few close male friends that are straight, we have come to a serious conclusion that some men are body shamed not to date what they might be sexually attracted to if not a size zero or a size twelve.

It is because of the impressions placed upon our peers that it has jotted and changed the given impressions we set forth, that might influence us as to whom we might be truly are. That an ugly person is a facet based merely on the construct that beauty is appearance only. and it is because of this, that the views of what we learn to like as a person might actually get jolted. Even women and men, yes both sides of the sexes body shame or fat shame people into dating someone thinner. 

Society has made this whole issue of being a “chubby” chaser a bad thing. Just because a person is over weight and a bigger frame, has no way in hell any impact on their health, the way they are or the fact they aren’t a beautiful person. Which makes the person whom might actually like you say something stupid while looking at a magazine cover of  a photoshopped image of what a real woman should appear to look like.

Before you say a dumb thought like that aloud, question whether or not that the statement is seen out of fear; or you truly think that it was worth the slam of hurting someone because of your insecurities. And are these insecurities part of a sexual preference for real? Or, are they a conclusion you have learned from the media and other resources? Just ponder it for a moment.

I am not going to lie. I am a five foot eight woman, I weigh 345 pds, have a big frame(even the surgeons whom did the xrays on me for surgery came to this conclusion, along with people who did an mri on me.), I have muscles on my legs that most men work hard to get, size 11w shoe and wear a size 26/28w pant size. I have a bra size of a 48D and broad shoulders. I am now thirty-two years of age and a mommy. I walk daily, swim at least every other day and eat healthy. I am beautiful in every way.

Miss Sex Kitten

I can make you beautiful

I will make you beautiful, and rise you up from these ashes.

Let you rise up from all the past fear.

You will see a newer perspective of beauty from my eyes, and I shall love you better than you love yourself.

I see through your insecure moments, and it is clear to me;

That I have a wonderful person in front of myself whom, in a moment can keep a beautiful painting in my mind of them;

Not a super model, celebrity or the society’s ideal imagery of self being adorned with lusted beauty,

But the person before me seen in new sets of eyes through a heart that is true.

I will make you beautiful, when the world refuses to let you shine.

Corrupted as it may seem, I will not be interpret the outer shell as being the important source of your being.

I shall love you unconditionally, and set forth an expectation that you do the same.

I shall see your beauty, and you shall see mine.

Why? You may ask.

Why me?

Because I already see you as beautiful, I can make you more so.

Because I love every inch of you, and where the world seems to freeze.

Because you got into my heart, soul and head.

My demons can no longer tread here. Yours are welcomed to be baggage with mine.

I can be beautiful, and I wish to do so with you.

Instead of asking “Why me?”

 the question you should of asked yourself was ”Why not?”

I can make you beautiful, because I carry you in my heart and in my mind.

Your image I see from my perspective is like a photograph, memorized and welcomed.

They’re warm and full of life.

Just like how you have made me feel.

You are my idea of beautiful.

The Secret Garden

I have a little friend whom wanted to dress up in a tutu for a day. I made her dream come true, and at the end of the shoot snapped a couple of shots of her with her mommy on Mother's day saying"I love you Mommy! Thank you for the tutu you made me!" Which in all essence my assistant Jana was all but happy to comply. Happy Mother's day to everybody, and thanks for everything. You have made this journey absolutely worth it!